@gylertagan

[Property Brothers]
Turns out all the electrical wires in this house are Twizzlers so we’re looking at another $3000 added to the budget

@gylertagan

[First Date]
Her: What do you do for a living
Me: (Forgetting the word masseuse) I uh squeeze people
Her: Um…?
Me: No its okay they pay me

@gylertagan

[Chasing a man out of the bathroom with a pube] Sir you dropped this!