@hamspamtymaam

Never reach into a girl’s purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don’t know.

@hamspamtymaam

Doing squats. And by that I mean I’m in the squat position. But really the couch is holding me up. I’m sitting on the couch.

@hamspamtymaam

A drivers license is basically just a selfie with way too much info.

@hamspamtymaam

If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they’ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.

@hamspamtymaam

Instead of chasing after Taylor Swift, I’m just going to wait until she breaks up with everyone else so I’m all that’s left.