Never reach into a girl’s purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don’t know.
Doing squats. And by that I mean I’m in the squat position. But really the couch is holding me up. I’m sitting on the couch.
A drivers license is basically just a selfie with way too much info.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they’ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
Instead of chasing after Taylor Swift, I’m just going to wait until she breaks up with everyone else so I’m all that’s left.