Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of hansabumsadaisy's best tweets

@hansabumsadaisy : #AmazingFacts
Failure is not an option,

it comes bundled with your Windows 10 software.

@hansabumsadaisy: My girlfriend and I are sharing an #Amazon account.

We're prime-mates.

@hansabumsadaisy: #RubbishJokes
Two horses in a field.

One says: I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.

The other says: Moo!

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes
A German arriving at Orly airport in Paris.

Customs officer: Occupation?

German: Nein, just visiting.

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth?

The slowest swimmer.

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None - it's a hardware problem.

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes
Watched all Star Wars movies back to back with my friend.

Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes
Noah's diary - 39th day:

"The dragon pie was really scrumptious."

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes
What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?

A panda with a set of drums.

@hansabumsadaisy: #wordsofwisdom
If it says, 'Do not try this at home' - go and visit a friend.