Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of hansabumsadaisy's best tweets

@hansabumsadaisy : Waiter, Waiter, my date spilled her water.

No problem, I'll get you another one.

Thanks, but make sure she likes football.

#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes

@hansabumsadaisy: Waiter, Waiter, will my pizza be long?

No sir, it will be round.

#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes

@hansabumsadaisy: Waiter: I see that your glass is empty, would you like another one?

Me: Why would I want two empty glasses?

#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes

@hansabumsadaisy: I didn't know why the doctor prescribed me mushrooms for my constipation until I saw the dragon and shat myself.

#RubbishJokes #Puns #DoctorJokes

@hansabumsadaisy: #RubbishJokes #Coffee
Waiter, waiter, the coffee is cold!

Thanks for letting me know, ice coffee is one pound dearer.

@hansabumsadaisy: #RubbishJokes
My girlfriend told my that she wanted peace and quiet whilst cooking.

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

@hansabumsadaisy: #AmazingFacts
Failure is not an option,

it comes bundled with your Windows 10 software.

@hansabumsadaisy: My girlfriend and I are sharing an #Amazon account.

We're prime-mates.

@hansabumsadaisy: #RubbishJokes
Two horses in a field.

One says: I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.

The other says: Moo!

@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes
A German arriving at Orly airport in Paris.

Customs officer: Occupation?

German: Nein, just visiting.