@hardlyrelevant: Me: (from the back of the ambulance) CHANGE THE RADIO
Medic: Sir you need to conserve your strength
Me: I AM NOT DYING TO A COLDPLAY SONG
@hardlyrelevant: [I time travel to 1998]
Guy: This is the first showing of Mulan, how does that dude in the front row already know the words to all the songs
@hardlyrelevant: *holds up bread* this is my body
*holds up wine* this is my blood
*holds up fire* and this is my mixtape
@hardlyrelevant: "If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace"
(from the back)
He saw Creed live in 2003
@hardlyrelevant: (pretending to be well-read to impress a girl)
War and Peace? Yeah I loved that one
“What was your favorite part?”
I’d have to say the Peace
@hardlyrelevant: (interview for construction job)
Foreman: Your resume is just pictures of LEGOs?
Me: (proudly) Didn't even have to look at the instructions
@hardlyrelevant: (in dog boss' office)
"Smith, you're fired."
Fine. I guess I'll just WALK out...
(boss' tail starts wagging)
"Wait Smith get back here"