I wonder if the plants in my house get scared when I eat salad?
Why does everyone want me to come out of my comfort zone? I worked really hard to get there.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
If I were a hairdresser, my business cards would say, “I’ll cut you.”
If you walk around in knight’s armor long enough, people will just get used to it.
Shouldn’t Spiderman have 4 more legs?
Does your wife know you’re single?