Funny Tweeter

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Page of heatherlou_'s best tweets

@heatherlou_ : Every time I think I’ve got my diet under control, they come out with some new and tastier way to make me fat.

@heatherlou_: My kid told her teacher that we were late because her Mom had to poop and I see why some animals eat their young.

@heatherlou_: Nothing will convince you to never have kids quite like having one.

@heatherlou_: I’m making chili this weekend so if anyone wants some, I suggest you make some too.

@heatherlou_: I cross my legs because I'm a lady and classy and I really need to pee.

@heatherlou_: Yes, I wear this shirt a lot. It’s my shirt that I purchased and I own a washing machine. Amazing.

@heatherlou_: All these late nights solving solved crimes on forensic files is aging me.

@heatherlou_: I'm not lazy. I wear yoga pants because the urge to work out might hit me. You don't know.

@heatherlou_: Can’t afford the chiropractor so I’m just going to lay down in the road and hope for the best.