Planning on buying my daughter a Volvo so she’s safe but with a mismatched door so she gets the struggle.
I refuse to dismiss Thanksgiving. Any holiday dedicated to food & stretchy pants is worth celebrating.
I went to high school with these people on Facebook, so I’m confused on how they didn’t learn HOW TO SPELL.
“That looks shiny and clean, I’m gonna touch it a lot.”
– Kids
I don’t need money to buy happiness. I’m already happy. I just want the monies.
As a mom, I’m super excited about the rock collection my daughter just told me she’s starting.
If you’re moving to a new house for a “fresh start,” congratulations your new house is haunted.
I was looking at my phone and tripped over the dog and we’re both laying in the floor looking at my phone.
These people act like they’ve never seen a woman eat a whole rotisserie chicken before.
Google just alerted me to light traffic in my area which is odd because I’m in the bathtub.
If you’re trying to woo me without food… let me stop you right there.
My house is clean so please don’t eat or drink or come by or let my child come home.
I tell my child, “10 minutes till bed!”
She hears me say, “Go put on a Halloween costume.”
Why?
If I could teach my kid anything it would be do not attempt to lay on my face. Give me my personal space please, tiny leech.
“IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!!” I yell at the guy next to me at the red light while tweezing stray hairs from my chin.