Just found out my wife’s been mad at me for three days and I hadn’t noticed. She forgave me and I had to act like I was grateful and not bewildered


Guy 1: fight me

Guy 2: ok… but… one thing

Guy 1: what?

Guy 2: well… it might sound weird but… well is it ok if we get a few thousand drunk people to watch?

Invention of wrestling


Amish friend sets up a divider across the tent.

Me: what are you doing?

AF: You’re not amish. I am supposed to shun you. We may not sleep under the same roof.

Me: you’re going to hell, you know. The road to hell is paved with good in-tent shuns

*Shunning intensifies*


Forest fires are caused by dragons accidentally sneezing near a tree.

They’re very embarrassed about it and that’s why we never see them


The Flintstones had cars, record players, TV, radio, helicopters, lawn mowers…

but not shoes.


Nerdy trick. Impress your friends by taking cube roots in your head

Step 1: memorise the following:


Step 2: get a friend to take a calculator and enter a 2 digit number and then cube that number and tell you the answer


It’s called quiche because “egg pie” sounds like something you’d look up on urban dictionary.