@hermanntrude

Just found out my wife’s been mad at me for three days and I hadn’t noticed. She forgave me and I had to act like I was grateful and not bewildered

@hermanntrude

Guy 1: fight me

Guy 2: ok… but… one thing

Guy 1: what?

Guy 2: well… it might sound weird but… well is it ok if we get a few thousand drunk people to watch?

Invention of wrestling

@hermanntrude

Amish friend sets up a divider across the tent.

Me: what are you doing?

AF: You’re not amish. I am supposed to shun you. We may not sleep under the same roof.

Me: you’re going to hell, you know. The road to hell is paved with good in-tent shuns

*Shunning intensifies*

@hermanntrude

Forest fires are caused by dragons accidentally sneezing near a tree.

They’re very embarrassed about it and that’s why we never see them

@hermanntrude

The Flintstones had cars, record players, TV, radio, helicopters, lawn mowers…

but not shoes.

@hermanntrude

Nerdy trick. Impress your friends by taking cube roots in your head

Step 1: memorise the following:

1³=1
2³=8
3³=27
4³=64
5³=125
6³=216
7³=343
8³=512
9³=729

Step 2: get a friend to take a calculator and enter a 2 digit number and then cube that number and tell you the answer

@hermanntrude

It’s called quiche because “egg pie” sounds like something you’d look up on urban dictionary.