Just found out my wife’s been mad at me for three days and I hadn’t noticed. She forgave me and I had to act like I was grateful and not bewildered
Guy 1: fight me
Guy 2: ok… but… one thing
Guy 1: what?
Guy 2: well… it might sound weird but… well is it ok if we get a few thousand drunk people to watch?
Invention of wrestling
Inventor of the mirror: I wish this wall looked like me
A repeat offense of a shenanigan is called shenaniganagain
Amish friend sets up a divider across the tent.
Me: what are you doing?
AF: You’re not amish. I am supposed to shun you. We may not sleep under the same roof.
Me: you’re going to hell, you know. The road to hell is paved with good in-tent shuns
Forest fires are caused by dragons accidentally sneezing near a tree.
They’re very embarrassed about it and that’s why we never see them
The Flintstones had cars, record players, TV, radio, helicopters, lawn mowers…
but not shoes.
Nerdy trick. Impress your friends by taking cube roots in your head
Step 1: memorise the following:
Step 2: get a friend to take a calculator and enter a 2 digit number and then cube that number and tell you the answer
It’s called quiche because “egg pie” sounds like something you’d look up on urban dictionary.