Unplugged the WiFi for 10 seconds and a teenager I didn’t know existed appeared from one of the bedrooms to complain
Me: dance like no one’s watching!
Them: but not naked in the freezer aisle with a frozen turkey to ‘do they know it’s Christmas’!
Me: *disappointed* so an oral argument isn’t having make up sex after a row?
What is a ‘sexual prime’ and can I get it on Amazon?
Dating in your 50’s is great!
Although my husband’s not that keen, tbh
Therapist: tell me your dreams
Therapist: no your weird dreams
Me: still cheese
Therapist: ok, your sexy dreams
Me: kinky cheese?
*me dressed as the grim reaper*
What d’ye mean I’m not your type?
When the doctor asks you ‘How are you feeling today?’ sexy is not an appropriate answer apparently.
Sure sex is good but have you ever balled your undies up and thrown across the room into the laundry basket first try?
Me, at 20: I’d really like kids one day!
Me: at 40 with 3 kids: I’ve changed my mind