@heyitsJudeD

Unplugged the WiFi for 10 seconds and a teenager I didn’t know existed appeared from one of the bedrooms to complain

@heyitsJudeD

Me: dance like no one’s watching!

Them: but not naked in the freezer aisle with a frozen turkey to ‘do they know it’s Christmas’!

@heyitsJudeD

Me: *disappointed* so an oral argument isn’t having make up sex after a row?

Lawyer:

@heyitsJudeD

Dating in your 50’s is great!

Although my husband’s not that keen, tbh

@heyitsJudeD

Therapist: tell me your dreams

Me: cheese

Therapist: no your weird dreams

Me: still cheese

Therapist: ok, your sexy dreams

Me: kinky cheese?

@heyitsJudeD

*me dressed as the grim reaper*

What d’ye mean I’m not your type?

@heyitsJudeD

When the doctor asks you ‘How are you feeling today?’ sexy is not an appropriate answer apparently.

@heyitsJudeD

Sure sex is good but have you ever balled your undies up and thrown across the room into the laundry basket first try?

@heyitsJudeD

Me, at 20: I’d really like kids one day!

Me: at 40 with 3 kids: I’ve changed my mind