Yeah, conservatives. I will marry a dog. I’ll marry 12 dogs. I’m a dog mormon now.
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?
*notices girl singing song that’s on in coffee shop*
Me: You’re a Cher fan too!?
Her: Hold on
*takes off bluetooth*
Remember in 90’s movies when the hot girl would enter a party in slow motion? That’s what happens when I walk in a buffet.
14 year old me would be shocked to learn that knowing every word to Billy Joel’s ‘We didn’t start the fire’ has done nothing for our career.
That moment of panic when you accidentally swipe left on Bae while getting food off your phone.
There aren’t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Having no tattoos in 2014, is like having tattoos in 1967.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.