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@huntigula : "Robby! Hey man I haven't seen you since we were kids!"
Rob: Hey! I go by Robert now. It's good to see you, Barry!
"I go by Barold now"
@huntigula: can’t believe I got front row seats
@huntigula: SORTING HAT: this kid’s a piece of shit uh I mean slytherin
@huntigula: When u drop an ice cube on the floor u have only 2 options:
1. kick it under the fridge
2. pick it up & throw it at the sink missing wildly
@huntigula: *eats half a banana then stubs the bit that's left in an ashtray*
@huntigula: I try not to get political on twitter, but cinderella's step mom was a real piece of shit
@huntigula: ME: [deep in thought] it's just so scary, u know?
HER: what is, life?
ME: [imagining an octopus holding 8 samurai swords] yes. Life.
@huntigula: [job interview]
Last test: put ur hands on the desk & don't move [plays 'In The Air Tonight']
[I begin violently shaking as drum solo nears]
@huntigula: [texting w/ my nana]
Me: hey! Mom told me you learned how to use emojis!
Her: I ❤️ murder
Me: well that's kinda wei..
Her: I will 🔫 everyone
@huntigula: if I accidentally respond "you too" after a fast-food clerk tells me to enjoy my meal, I shove some fries in their mouth so it isn't awkward