The most rewarding part of my job is meeting and working with so many uniquely terrible personalities.
Any human mind can learn complicated math, given the right incentives. Just look at the bowling community.
I don’t worry when two shopping carts are stuck together, I just go with it and use both…or three. Today I had a row of ten.
A scientist said that fish will evolve into “flish” & will be able to fly. Now I can’t stop thinking about “flarks, flhales & flea horses.”
My twins hate to brush their teeth. So I just convinced them that it’s fun to brush someone else’s teeth. Problem solved.
Police sketch artists are a bunch of con artists.
I just saw a lady jogging backwards. You go, girl…or you just went…or here you come. I don’t know which direction I’m going with this.
My son has the worst altitude ever. He’s defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground.
Owls are like scary Mr. Potato Heads that fly.
Change is hard, especially the nickel.