@hurlarious

[INT. STARBUCKS – DAY]

Me: Theres a large rat in the bathroom
Barista: ?
Me: A large rat
Barista: ?
Me: THERES A VENTI RAT IN THE BATHROOM

@hurlarious

Bored? Find group photo of 4 women on Instagram. Comment “You 3 look incredible!!”

@hurlarious

Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that made fun of me in high school

@hurlarious

I wonder if all the other popcorn kernels in the bag freak out when the first kernel pops

@hurlarious

Sweeping a woman off her feet is easy if you know karate

@hurlarious

Apparently the g-spot is located in a $1700 pair of Christian Louboutins.

@hurlarious

Why doesn’t every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?

@hurlarious

I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I’m on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I’m famous