@iAmDelFreaky: Haha! My mom said I can't use my phone at the dinner table. I'm a grown...
This is Del's mom, he'll be back after he eats his dinner.
@iAmDelFreaky: <during sex>
Me: Can we pretend I didn't just call you Uncle Joe?
Her: Not sure, it's pretty disturbing.
Uncle Joe: It didn't bother me.
@iAmDelFreaky: Me: I wonder what the wicked witch's name is.
7: Ding Dong.
7: The song says, Ding Dong the Witch is dead.
Me: Oh. My. God. 😂
@iAmDelFreaky: 2: Where mommy?
Me: Mommy's at a meeting.
2: Mommy is meat?
Me: No. Well...yes, but only if we ever get stranded on an island.
@iAmDelFreaky: Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk.
@iAmDelFreaky: *sticks hand into jean pocket*
Aw damn, why in the hell do I have bbq sauce in my pocket?
*checks other pocket and finds nuggets*
@iAmDelFreaky: *breathing becomes rapid and pulse starts racing*
I...I've never felt...SO ALIVE!
*holds up 11th nugget from 10 piece box, for all to see*
@iAmDelFreaky: *plays Rocky theme song*
*cracks 5 raw eggs into glass and gulps them down*
*vomits on kitchen floor*
*turns off music*