If you have joint pain..
You’re probably holding it by the wrong end.
A door was tried in court.
It was an open and shut case.
I lost my job as a surgeon.
Apparently, I shouldn’t have left unfinished work over the weekend.
I always believed that we all have the habit of licking knifes clean after we are done with them..
My surgeon friends disagreed.
A face mask and rubber gloves is all you need to wear when you go to mall they said.
I felt a fool.
Everyone else was wearing clothes.
Two reasons why I don’t let my girlfriend go into my swimming pool…
1. I don’t have a swimming pool.
2. I don’t have a girlfriend.
I want to buy my girlfriend a present within 250$ on valentines day any suggestions?
I also need a girlfriend to give her the present and 250$.
Wife: “Oh Honey, what would you do without me?”
Me: “realistically or in my fantasies?”
Every New Year: I hope you change.
Every birthday: I hope you never change.
*internal confusion intensifies*
My wife really is the sunshine of my life.
Too bad I’m a vampire.