@iGreenGod

If you have joint pain..

You’re probably holding it by the wrong end.

@iGreenGod

A door was tried in court.

It was an open and shut case.

@iGreenGod

I lost my job as a surgeon.

Apparently, I shouldn’t have left unfinished work over the weekend.

@iGreenGod

I always believed that we all have the habit of licking knifes clean after we are done with them..

My surgeon friends disagreed.

@iGreenGod

A face mask and rubber gloves is all you need to wear when you go to mall they said.

I felt a fool.

Everyone else was wearing clothes.

@iGreenGod

Two reasons why I don’t let my girlfriend go into my swimming pool…

1. I don’t have a swimming pool.

2. I don’t have a girlfriend.

@iGreenGod

I want to buy my girlfriend a present within 250$ on valentines day any suggestions?

I also need a girlfriend to give her the present and 250$.

@iGreenGod

Wife: “Oh Honey, what would you do without me?”

Me: “realistically or in my fantasies?”

@iGreenGod

Every New Year: I hope you change.

Every birthday: I hope you never change.

*internal confusion intensifies*

@iGreenGod

My wife really is the sunshine of my life.

Too bad I’m a vampire.