@iLikeCatShirts

You’d be surprised at all the discounts you get when you come in swinging a sword!

@iLikeCatShirts

Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today.

Wife: We don’t talk. Plus he is so literal.

Me: My truck.

@iLikeCatShirts

Dealer: Anyone follow you dude?

Me: just my cat

*dealer opens trench coat & my mom jumps out*

Mom: why are you using drugs???

@iLikeCatShirts

Oprah says we all have a small child inside of us longing to get out & omg why isn’t anyone talking about Oprah eating children?

@iLikeCatShirts

*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!

@iLikeCatShirts

When someone tries to tell me they can’t do something, I’m like “you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?”

@iLikeCatShirts

Star Wars is just like regular wars except you fall in love with your sister and your dad chops your arm off.