Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of iRowlf's best tweets

@iRowlf : Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You've actually been vaping a dead bird for a month.

@iRowlf: Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged.

@iRowlf: It's not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you've reached your destination.

@iRowlf: Air Bud trembles in fear after the opposing team drapes a basketball jersey over a vacuum cleaner and puts it on their starting lineup.

@iRowlf: Sorry I look depressed. It's just that when I heard the sound of your high heels on the hardwood floor, I thought a pony was in the house.

@iRowlf: I'd like to return this pack of gum. They taste awful.
"Sir, those are Band-Aids."
Oh, I'd like to return these Band-Aids. Someone ate some.

@iRowlf: I'm sorry that I gave your baby a wine cooler. I forgot that I superglued a mustache on him earlier and thought he was of legal age.

@iRowlf: Nice hourglass figure, girl. Wanna come back to my place and stand on your head so my friends and I can keep time while we play Pictionary?

@iRowlf: I'm returning this head of lettuce. It tastes awful.
"Sir, that's a loofah."
Oh. I'm returning this loofah. Someone took a bite out of it.

@iRowlf: Prank Idea For The Ladies:
Swallow a plastic dinosaur, then make an appointment to get an ultrasound.