FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ma’am you can’t take that on the plane
ME: This is my therapy ham
Murder is legal if it happens after a morning person says “WELL WELL WELLLLLL LOOK WHO FINALLY GOT UP”
Studying abroad: Spending months in another country.
Studying a broad: Spending months Facebook stalking Ashley.
Just remember Mom, you can’t spell “disappointment” without “appointment” which reminds me I have to be at Hooters at 9 for my interview.
When a duck takes a selfie, it makes a lonely white girl face.
My boyfriend calls me “babe” because “pig in the city” is such a mouthful to say.
And in that moment, the Ninja Turtles realized that in a way, ALL teenagers are mutants.
“Name him Mufasa, it means “king” in Manazoto. And uh, we’ll call HIM Scar. Because his face.”
Simba’s grandparents were the real villains.