[Christopher Columbus arriving in Hell]
Columbus: I’m the first person here! I discovered this!
Jesus Christ, google you’re gonna get him killed
SNAIL: I’m a turtle?
GOD: No, you’re a snail
SNAIL: I have a shell
SNAIL: and I move really slowly
GOD: Yeah, all the time
SNAIL: but I’m not a turtle?
GOD (made too many turtle shells and needed somewhere to put them): you’re a completely different thing