She left me because I am insecure.
No wait, she’s back.
She just went to get a glass of water.
After getting married, my wife used to joke that she will now have sex with only one person for the rest of her life.
Turns out she was talking about her boyfriend.
My uncle married a woman from Tokyo and they just had a daughter.
She’s my Japaniece..
I’m not to thrilled with our solar system.
I rate it one star..
My doctor told me I needed a brain MRI.
My wife assured me they wouldn’t find anything.
I walked into our bedroom and stepped on my wife’s bra
It was a boobie trap
To shoot someone, never aim at his chest.
Aim at his smartphone.
He’ll die faster.
I tossed my billiard table into the bathtub.
Now I have a swimming pool.
I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me
now.But no, she’s still alive.
There are two types of people in this world:
1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once
2)Liars
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
Can we all agree that “K” is not short for “OK,” it’s short for STFU?
“Oh, hey! I didn’t even recognize you!” means “I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are.”
Question of the day :
If the early bird gets the worm, why do good things come to those who wait?