me: how was school?
son: i got in trouble today
me: what for?
son: kung fu fighting
me: wow I’m so disappointed
son: but everybody was doing it
The lost art of being “wishy washy.”
5: what should we watch?
Me: anything you want
5 [opens every movie case revealing Space Jam DVD inside] not again dad
It’s all fun in the sun until a swarm of mosquitoes is carrying your kid across the yard.
It’s hoodie and chainsaw weather finally
Cop: know why I pulled you over?
“Hopefully to arrest me.”
Cop: [sees backseat full of screaming kids] sir, please step out of the vehicle.
5: let’s play the quiet game.
5: ready..? Start.
5: whoever talks first is the loser.
Is 4 too young to release your kid out into the wild?
My 8 year old just pointed a lady into the direction of the toy section at this K-Mart and now he’s the assistant manager
Wife: what’d you do after work?
Me: I may have taken a nap
Wife: you may have or you did?
Me: I may have did