Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of iliezabeth's best tweets

@iliezabeth : ME: *dying* are you...the Grim Reaper?

GRIM REAPER: WOW, WE LITERALLY JUST MET... PLEASE CALL ME GRIMOTHY. LET'S KEEP THIS PROFESSIONAL.

@iliezabeth: REPORTER: how does it feel that ur tweet got like 0 favs?
ME: it made me laugh so I dont think its so bad
R: how does it feel 2 be wrong tho

@iliezabeth: ME: can u pick me up in ur claws
DRAGON: go AWAY dammit
ME: can u just put me in ur mouth pls—I wanna look out from ur teeth like im in jail

@iliezabeth: [suspecting Kyle is a werewolf] ME: Ive laid out all the good silverware for us tonight
K: Its chips & salsa
M: Aaand? *stabs chip w/ fork*

@iliezabeth: DRAGON: get AWAY from me
ME: let me pet ur scales pls
DRAGON: I don't even KNOW u
ME: breathe fire on me
DRAGON: *is creeped out*

@iliezabeth: CAT: mew
ME: indeed, u are correct kitty
CAT: mew
ME: well said, kitty, well said

FRIEND I FORGOT WAS THERE: are u ok...? Emotionally?

@iliezabeth: ALIEN:*points at Chihuahua* whats that?
ME: a dog
ALIEN:*points at Husky* whats that?
ME: dog
ALIEN:*getting angry, points at Pug* whats THA