Your quarantine name is:
The colour of your underwear followed by the last thing you ordered on Amazon
Fool me once shame on you, fool me 237 times you must be the wrong Tupperware lid
If we just refer to ISIS as “Nickelback” maybe nobody will want to join them
Tattoos tell a story, like tribal tattoos tell a story of a guy that wears sunglasses indoors.
“I’m going to show off my new belt by tucking in my T-shirt” -Men over 50.
“Jesus take the wheel” -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.
If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you’re intrested and afraid to talk to girls.
“When I’m done shitting on your car I’m going to watch your wife undress through her window”-Birds
“Sure the Decepticons are trying to kill us, but at least the price of fuel is reasonable”
I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there.