Head says “Forget about her.”
Heart says “Tell her u love her.”
Bottle of whisky says”Ride the cat around the house & you’ll feel better.”
Step 1:Make pillows with”Love” printed on them
Step 2:Become a lawyer
Step 3:Defend men who smother their GF with love
Step 4:Become rich
9 out of 10 wives agree their husbands are always wrong and the other one just doesn’t wanna talk about it right now.
I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille….
…..I just love smell of campfires.
This guys talking about “Calm down, everything happens for a reason”. Then he gets all angry when I punch him in the face. What a hypocrite.
Gf:Do u love me?
Gf:Why do u love me?
Me:You’re the best.
Gf:I’m the best at what?
Gf: Like what?
Maybe the dinosaur extinction was a murder suicide by the T-Rex. If I couldn’t jerk off because my arms were to short I’d kill everyone too.
Whenever I write out my alimony payment, I put cute things on the memo. Like “for your next divorce” or “clothes that make you feel skinny”.
“I’m sure if I show my gf my Twitter, she’ll understand it’s just for fun.”
Said a bunch of now single guys.
I hate how every single day my ex wife just keeps waking up!