@imskytrash

netflix: are you still watching

me, on my phone not paying any attention at all: yes

@imskytrash

what the signs deserve in 2019:

Aries: peace
Taurus: rest
Gemini: happiness
Cancer: love
Leo: okay now
Virgo: that they’ve
Libra: stopped reading
Scorpio: i think
Sagittarius: animal crossing
Capricorn: for switch
Aquarius: might have
Pisces: pigeons as townspeople

@imskytrash

me (under my breath): don’t let her know how awkward you are

date: what are you having

me: an ok time

@imskytrash

LOL: laughing out loud
SMH: shaking my head
LMAKNIWNFYSP: leave me alone kyle no i will not follow your SoundCloud page

@imskytrash

barista: name for the latte?
me: it’s Zach with an “h”
*two minutes later*
barista: i’ve got a latte for Hach

@imskytrash

cop: could you please describe the man who tried to kill you

me: yeah he was not nice

@imskytrash

(to kid at lemonade stand) i ain’t buying shit until i find you on yelp

@imskytrash

retweet this to electronically sign my petition to ban windmills worldwide . we’ve had enough bird casualties . and for what ?more wind ?

@imskytrash

[sitting on park bench]
homeless guy: I’m so alone
me: okay wow I’m right here