5 just asked me for a Magic 8 Ball and you know I’m going to get it for her; so she can finally ask all her questions to something that isn’t me
You know how when you put both earphones in you’re pretty much unapproachable?
Yeah, my kids missed that memo
I wonder if my kids know they can ask me a question when I’m NOT in the bathroom?
I’m a succubus but instead of sexual acts I lure you with my awkwardness and instead of stealing your soul, I steal your tacos
My picky niece just complimented me on my deviled eggs.
*adds gourmet chef to resume
[checking on my daughter at bedtime]
Me: Why are your legs up like that?
5: Because I don’t want the monster to eat my feet.
Me: That’s crazy, put them down. Besides monsters don’t eat feet, they like hands.