@inmyimage007

5 just asked me for a Magic 8 Ball and you know I’m going to get it for her; so she can finally ask all her questions to something that isn’t me

@inmyimage007

You know how when you put both earphones in you’re pretty much unapproachable?

Yeah, my kids missed that memo

@inmyimage007

I wonder if my kids know they can ask me a question when I’m NOT in the bathroom?

@inmyimage007

I’m a succubus but instead of sexual acts I lure you with my awkwardness and instead of stealing your soul, I steal your tacos

@inmyimage007

My picky niece just complimented me on my deviled eggs.

*adds gourmet chef to resume

@inmyimage007

[checking on my daughter at bedtime]

Me: Why are your legs up like that?

5: Because I don’t want the monster to eat my feet.

Me: That’s crazy, put them down. Besides monsters don’t eat feet, they like hands.