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Page of ixix82's best tweets

@ixix82 : Me: "Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"
My Brain: "Let's start an alphabetized list categorized by subject and severity, and when we run out of letters we'll use numbers, and then hold on I should be writing this down"

@ixix82: Me: "I love you."
4: "Thanks. I love Batman."

@ixix82: *remembers company is coming*
*checks all the garbage cans, switching out Walmart bags for real trash bags like some sort of rich person*

@ixix82: 280 characters, baby, and you know what that means:
OXFORD COMMAS.
OXFORD COMMAS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE!

@ixix82: Me: "Relax. Make conversation, let them get to know you."
Also Me: "The longest tape worm ever found inside a human body was 82' in length."

@ixix82: By 33, you'd think I'd have figured out at some point along the way where to put my arms when I sleep.

@ixix82: "So You Were Trying to Be Polite But Now He Wants to Wear Your Skin As Pajamas: A Woman's Guide to the Internet"