@jackiembouvier: I feel as though we've come too far as a society to go camping on purpose.
@jackiembouvier: Social media is perfect when you're feeling sorry for yourself and your desire is to feel worse.
@jackiembouvier: When someone tries to look at the pics on my phone, I throw my body on it like it's a live grenade.
@jackiembouvier: [Date arrives wearing a turtleneck]
Him: What should we do?
Me: May as well just go ahead and dump my body in the woods right now.
@jackiembouvier: Me: Let's go to the store.
5 yo: Why?
M: For food.
M: So we can eat.
M: To stay alive.
M: I have no idea.
@jackiembouvier: I thought I needed to get a divorce and start a new life in a foreign country and then I realized I was just hungry.
@jackiembouvier: [First date]
Him: So where do you hike?
Me: I don't hike.
Him: Your profile said you love hiking.
Me: I'm a fiction writer.
@jackiembouvier: If by "morning person" you mean I wake up at 4 am staring into the inky blackness imagining horrific outcomes then yes I'm a morning person.