@jackiembouvier

I don’t wish my ex-husband ill. I just hope he can’t ever find a parking spot and that his food is never quite the right temperature.

@jackiembouvier

Me: My anxiety is out of control.
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?

@jackiembouvier

Hotel clerk: May I help you?
Me: Call an ambulance.
HC: What happened?
M: I’m not sure. Someone said calm down and I blacked out after that.

@jackiembouvier

Meet your new stalker! The good news is I’m middle aged and very lazy. You’ll hardly notice I’m here.

@jackiembouvier

They say you should do at least one thing each day that frightens you. Today that will be laundry.

@jackiembouvier

Anxiety causes your body to store fat so that’s one more thing to be anxious about.

@jackiembouvier

I feel as though we’ve come too far as a society to go camping on purpose.

@jackiembouvier

Social media is perfect when you’re feeling sorry for yourself and your desire is to feel worse.

@jackiembouvier

When someone tries to look at the pics on my phone, I throw my body on it like it’s a live grenade.