Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us
@jackiembouvier : Me: My anxiety is out of control.
Dr.: Have you tried cutting back on coffee?
Me: Are you even a real doctor?
@jackiembouvier: Friend: I love your gray eyeshadow!
Me: I'm not wearing eyeshadow.
@jackiembouvier: Hotel clerk: May I help you?
Me: Call an ambulance.
HC: What happened?
M: I'm not sure. Someone said calm down and I blacked out after that.
@jackiembouvier: Meet your new stalker! The good news is I'm middle aged and very lazy. You'll hardly notice I'm here.
@jackiembouvier: They say you should do at least one thing each day that frightens you. Today that will be laundry.
@jackiembouvier: Anxiety causes your body to store fat so that's one more thing to be anxious about.
@jackiembouvier: I feel as though we've come too far as a society to go camping on purpose.
@jackiembouvier: Social media is perfect when you're feeling sorry for yourself and your desire is to feel worse.
@jackiembouvier: When someone tries to look at the pics on my phone, I throw my body on it like it's a live grenade.
@jackiembouvier: [Date arrives wearing a turtleneck]
Him: What should we do?
Me: May as well just go ahead and dump my body in the woods right now.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
Submit a Tweet
FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
We also retweet all the tweets we post on this site, might as well follow us on Twitter!
And what's more, we post our best tweets in Facebook as well! Like us on Facebook to get a daily dose of Funny Tweeter on your news feed.