Someone threw a chainsaw at me this morning.
Definitely a first.
It was pretty cool.
Yesterday, Mike heated up his fish in the break room.
Today, Mike is missing.
Don’t be like Mike.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please pull it’s hand out of its pants.
When my dog hears another dog down the street, he always looks at me like I had something to do with it.
FYI –
Lisa on FB has cramps but is still going to yoga.I’ll keep you all posted.
Always remember –
If you’re having a conversation with somebody that doesn’t speak English, just talk louder.
My CPR expires tomorrow. So if you plan to stop breathing, do it today
I don’t really think I know what ovulating is, but I think my friend Brian is ovulating.
“Grandpa, I can’t stop thinking about Santa’s sack.”
Me: Aww, sweetie. Run along now. Grandpa has to put that on the internet.
I don’t know anything about soccer, but I hope they win.
Go Soccers!
Just watched a mosquito suck my blood then throw up.
Me: I heard it’s 80 degrees already.
CW: My phone says 81.
Me: Ya know, someday I’m going to eat a hot dog right over your grave.
Good morning to everyone except people that eat while leaving you a voicemail.
I know a girl that can hide eggs where your kids will never find them.
If you ever wondered how long it takes for an over-heated microwave burrito to cool off, the answer is 37 days.