@jaslakhmna

ME to BF: “We need to talk about the future.” BF: “what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?”

@jaslakhmna

You may have a drinking problem – when your mother asks you to toast the bread…..and you raise your glass and say “here’s to the bread”!

@jaslakhmna

Alcohol because no great conversation ever started over a salad !

@jaslakhmna

While people argue about the glass being half empty or half full…I’ll just be drinking from the bottle !

@jaslakhmna

The new Exorcist movie plot:
Family hires the devil to get a priest out of her son!

@jaslakhmna

My boyfriend said it would be nice if once in a while he woke up to breakfast in bed…
I put his bed in the kitchen…