A fun game to play when you’re lonely is “passing the ball from your imaginary husband to your imaginary child”
When my doctor first diagnosed me with overly inquisitive syndrome I had a lot of questions.
*sits at bar and loosens tie after a tough day at the office*
Me: Make it a large one
Bartender: One large milk coming up
“Daddy what’s a tunnel?”
“Son, we’ve been through this..”
My personal trainer said I should have a protein shake every night at 11pm. That’s whey past my bedtime
Drugs are never the answer kids. Unless the question is “why have you been checking under the carpet for lizards for 3 days straight?”
[speaking to an attractive lady] “How can a beautiful girl like you be single?!”
“Dave, I literally dumped you 5 minutes ago. Please leave”
That hot guy you see on the train every day with headphones on? Imagine….imagine if he was listening to a podcast. Not so hot now is he?
I thought I saw an octopus but it was just 8 eels kissing a butternut squash.
DOC: We think you may have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?
ME: Can’t say I do
DOC: That’s one of the symptoms, yes.