M-I can’t go. My Ewok is sick.
H-Gigi that’s a stuffed animal.
M-
H-
M-Crap. I think you’re right. I bet he ate all my Doritos again.
M:$50 on the ginger with face tattoos
H: Ma’am those aren’t tattoos, they’re freckles and you can’t bet on a 6th grade spelling bee
People whose TL is only quotes from famous people—You do realize you’re not a desk calendar, right?
I just heard my roommate mixing some beats except I don’t have a roommate and it was my cat throwing up.
Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead.
Sometimes I need “Eye of the Tiger” playing to get me to leave my bed.
Just found out a spider’s been living in my shower. Just hanging out. Quietly. Watching me. So, long story short, I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND!
“I’m so lucky to have you.”— Me to my hand.
No, it’s not what you think.
I just watched Hook.
I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I’m pretty.