@jenlaw_11: Netflix just asked me to rate 'Spy Kids 2' and I clicked "I haven't seen it" but I have. I have seen it. A lot.
@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
@jenlaw_11: How to kiss:
1-open your mouth
5-summon the Dark Overlord
@jenlaw_11: "You are what you eat" I whisper to myself as I pour my dead dog's ashes into my cat's food bowl
@jenlaw_11: Birds are dinosaurs? No. I want dinosaurs here or I want them completely gone. I don't need a bullshit imitation dinosaur to shit on my car.
@jenlaw_11: Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat
@jenlaw_11: Oh you're a Football fan? Okay then name 3 of their albums. Yeah. That's what I thought.
@jenlaw_11: I'm rubber, you're glue. I'm destroying the planet and you are made of dead horses