[Writing Silence of the Lambs]
Anyone have an idea for the cannibal’s name?
Anyone other than Jim?
Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess.
Murderer: I didn’t do nothin’
Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer.
Narrator: These are real people and not actors-
Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE’RE PEOPLE TOO!
What are you listening to?
You’re listening to Yes?
No The Who
Oh I like them
No not Them. The band is The Who.
Me: I just souped up my car
Person: What kind of engine did you put in it?
*cut to me filling my car with tomato soup*
Me: Um… A fast one.
Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put “delicious” in their name. Like calm down. You’re still just an apple. You ain’t no prize.
I like big MUTTS & I cannot lie
U other breeders can’t deny
When a dog walks in with a pretty mixed race & spots all on its face it gets PET
[two hours into describing a criminal to a police sketch artist]
…But when he took off the mask, he just looked like a normal guy
I bring giant stuffed animals into carnivals so when I walk around people will think that I am good at something.
Avril Lavigne: He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious?
Me: Yes you could. That is incredibly vague.