I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
My teen thought it’d be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she “couldn’t make it in to work.” This is called managing upwards, people.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That’s where I come in.
Pretending you’re dead to avoid conversation in the hospital is the worst way to learn how a defibrillator works.