@juicymorsel

I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.

@juicymorsel

I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.

@juicymorsel

My teen thought it’d be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!

@juicymorsel

Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she “couldn’t make it in to work.” This is called managing upwards, people.

@juicymorsel

Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That’s where I come in.

@juicymorsel

Pretending you’re dead to avoid conversation in the hospital is the worst way to learn how a defibrillator works.