@juliussharpe
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. “Guys, we’re all millionaires, none of this matters.”
@juliussharpe
@juliussharpe
I’ll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy.
@juliussharpe
I just saw an ad for a bulletproof briefcase. The real question is: why does your briefcase have so many enemies?
@juliussharpe
The Super Bowl is a great opportunity to let 200 million people know your ad agency sucks.
@juliussharpe
If Apple has taught me anything, it’s wait to see the “Steve Jobs” movie until they release a second version.
@juliussharpe
Nothing like riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The wind blowing through your hair… the warm pavement on your face…
@juliussharpe
I bet “Fifty Shades of Grey” won’t make that much money because most of the people who want to see it are tied to a bedpost.
@juliussharpe
I can see your camouflage pants, so they’re not working.
@juliussharpe
When I die, I’m not donating my body to science, but I might donate it to the English department and freak the shit out of some people.
@juliussharpe
If a non-profit accidentally makes a profit they must be like, “Guys we totally suck at losing money.”