@juliussharpe

I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. “Guys, we’re all millionaires, none of this matters.”

@juliussharpe

I’ll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy.

@juliussharpe

I just saw an ad for a bulletproof briefcase. The real question is: why does your briefcase have so many enemies?

@juliussharpe

The Super Bowl is a great opportunity to let 200 million people know your ad agency sucks.

@juliussharpe

If Apple has taught me anything, it’s wait to see the “Steve Jobs” movie until they release a second version.

@juliussharpe

Nothing like riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The wind blowing through your hair… the warm pavement on your face…

@juliussharpe

I bet “Fifty Shades of Grey” won’t make that much money because most of the people who want to see it are tied to a bedpost.

@juliussharpe

When I die, I’m not donating my body to science, but I might donate it to the English department and freak the shit out of some people.

@juliussharpe

If a non-profit accidentally makes a profit they must be like, “Guys we totally suck at losing money.”