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Page of junejuly12's best tweets

@junejuly12 : The new neighbour told me she’s a hugger, so now I’m only going outside if I have a weed whacker clutched to my chest.

@junejuly12: That awkward moment when you make eye contact with a cute guy in the mall food court as you’re slurping up a 2-foot long noodle.


@junejuly12: Just cleaned* the fridge and pantry like the hero my family deserves.

*ate all the cheese and cookies

@junejuly12: Him: tell me about your longest relationship

Me: *thinking furiously* does Windows 95 count?

@junejuly12: Boss: How were your weekends?

Steve: I coached my son’s soccer team

Alice: I helped friends move and volunteered at an animal shelter

Me: I dreamed my clothes were made of peanut butter and jelly

@junejuly12: *checks my phone to see what time it is*

[1 minute later]
*checks my phone to see what time it is cause I wasn’t paying attention*

[2 minutes later]
*checks my phone to see what time it is...*

@junejuly12: *gets hungry*

*bakes kale chips for a snack because diet*

*eats six cookies while waiting for kale chips because hungry*

@junejuly12: If anyone asks, I’m only watching three shirtless buff guys work on the neighbour’s roof because home improvement projects are super educational.

@junejuly12: Feeling sad? Donuts.

Feeling blah? Donuts.

Feeling upset? Donuts.

Feeling that your husband may be Facebook cheating on you with his skanky old high school girlfriend Brenda? Lots and lots and lots of donuts.

@junejuly12: The bad news is I spent 10 minutes digging in my bag for a comb.

The good news is I found an earring, a penguin, and half a burrito.