@junejuly12

Top 5 forms of torture

5. Sleep deprivation
4. Dentist drills
3. Solitary confinement
2. Water boarding
1. Cilantro

@junejuly12

“Settle in, get comfy, hope your phone is fully charged and you have snacks”

Translated from “be with you shortly”

@junejuly12

Little known Chinese proverb – He who walks barefoot in a dog’s backyard will be sorry

@junejuly12

When she says she needs more intimacy; she means your feelings, not your colonoscopy report.

@junejuly12

Maybe the caveman who discovered fire was wearing corduroys and running late for a meeting.

@junejuly12

What kind of monster sits in a rocking chair and doesn’t rock

@junejuly12

I have way too much responsibility for someone who still isn’t sure if 12pm is noon or midnight.

@junejuly12

Instead of getting annoyed, that stranger should have thanked me for tweezing his unruly ear hair.

@junejuly12

Me: I choose Truth!

Him: What is the most time wasting app on your phone?

Me: …I choose Dare!