@junejuly12

Googles discreet, motion-activated cameras so I can finally figure out who is drinking directly from the milk carton.

@junejuly12

You know you’ve been on a diet too long when you start reading the ingredients on a bag of dog treats.

@junejuly12

*drops my 13 year-old daughter off at a friend’s house*

*picks her up when she turns 20*

@junejuly12

When some kids on the street are jumping rope and ask you, a well coordinated adult in your own mind, to jump in, don’t do it.

I repeat, don’t do it.

@junejuly12

(10:00 am)
*adjusts lawn chair, sits down, opens highly anticipated new book, settles in comfortably for a long read*

(10:02 am)
*already chasing after a pretty butterfly*

@junejuly12

One time I waited 30 minutes for a bakery to open to get the best birthday party cupcakes. It was a Monday. The bakery was closed on Mondays.

I think about that a lot.

@junejuly12

You call it uneven eyeliner. I call it my Picasso Period.

@junejuly12

Every time I get my period, I think well that explains the last few days

@junejuly12

Did you know you can replace Sweet Child O Mine with Sweet Glass O Wine and it makes for an even better song

@junejuly12

Me, a kid: wonders how they get jelly into jelly donuts

Me, an adult: wonders why they don’t put vodka into jelly donuts