Who needs a bull in a china shop when you have a 2-year-old contemplating Grandma’s figurine collection?
*replaces birthday candles with flamethrowers for fun*
*wakes up in Emergency*
*adds another woman to the stick figure family decals on this car window*
And now we wait.
OMG the land line just rang
OMG we still have a land line
After spicing things up in the bedroom, don’t rub your eyes for at least 30 minutes.
Her: I’m having a dry party.
Me: Sorry, I’m busy.
Her: You don’t even know when.
Me: You don’t even know me.
Nothing like suddenly seeing a spider on the ceiling to make you realize you don’t need a nap anyway.
Burning bridges was a lot easier when 7 out of 10 people had lighters in their pockets.
*puts ex in Memory Lane*
*revs car engine*
Can’t wait to watch the complex manoeuvres that will follow taking the first bite of a corn dog in the middle.