@junejuly12

Who needs a bull in a china shop when you have a 2-year-old contemplating Grandma’s figurine collection?

@junejuly12

*replaces birthday candles with flamethrowers for fun*

*wakes up in Emergency*

@junejuly12

*adds another woman to the stick figure family decals on this car window*

And now we wait.

@junejuly12

OMG the land line just rang

OMG we still have a land line

@junejuly12

After spicing things up in the bedroom, don’t rub your eyes for at least 30 minutes.

@junejuly12

Her: I’m having a dry party.

Me: Sorry, I’m busy.

Her: You don’t even know when.

Me: You don’t even know me.

@junejuly12

Nothing like suddenly seeing a spider on the ceiling to make you realize you don’t need a nap anyway.

@junejuly12

Burning bridges was a lot easier when 7 out of 10 people had lighters in their pockets.

@junejuly12

Can’t wait to watch the complex manoeuvres that will follow taking the first bite of a corn dog in the middle.