Burning bridges was a lot easier when 7 out of 10 people had lighters in their pockets.
*puts ex in Memory Lane*
*revs car engine*
Can’t wait to watch the complex manoeuvres that will follow taking the first bite of a corn dog in the middle.
*plans eclipse viewing party*
*buys special glasses*
*gets plenty of snacks and drinks*
*wakes up to pouring rain*
*goes back to sleep*
It’s not cheating. Or money issues. Leaving drawers and cabinets open is the true test of a marriage.
I wonder if this guy ahead of me in line would mind if I pulled his jeans up for him.
People who love to clean are just practicing to eliminate the evidence
Me: My Amazon order arrived!
Him: What did you get?
Me: *scratches behind dragon’s ears* Nothing important.
Him: New happy pills?
Of course I trust you, babe. Always.
*searches Amazon for mini spycams with 1-day shipping*
Positive I heard an audible gasp from my car as I drove past the wine store