@junejuly12

After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is

@junejuly12

If you want some alone time, tell your husband that you’re going to watch the Bachelor. Even if you’re not.

@junejuly12

People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old

@junejuly12

BREAKING NEWS

Literally to be eliminated from the English language in 2015

Use it while you can, white girls

@junejuly12

When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard

My second thought is virgin wizard

@junejuly12

Maybe leave yourself in a hot car with a window open one inch for 15 minutes while your dog runs into the store

@junejuly12

Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant

@junejuly12

Guy jogging pushing stroller for two kids. But only one there. Don’t think he knows he lost one.

@junejuly12

Him: I really like your car
Me: Thanks!
H: What is it?
Me: Uh……black?