If a peanut butter cookie between two chocolate chip cookies is considered a sandwich, then I may have had a sandwich or two for lunch.
The printer is only printing blank pages, and it’s like it can read my mind.
The doorbell rang this morning, and it took a few seconds to realize what that sound was.
I have been calling a guy on our street John since he and his wife moved here about five years ago.
His name is Dave.
As I find myself in yet another room without remembering why, it’s apparent my wisdom teeth are doing nothing for me.
When this is all over, I’m going to miss only waving at neighbours from a distance.
me: *notices the dog sleeping at my feet, slowly and carefully does the splits to get off the couch without waking her up*
dog: *instantly on her feet* I’ll get my leash
You learn a lot about yourself when you decide to hide cookies from the family.
My dog tried to put one paw on the floor instead of the scale when she was being weighed and I was like, “I got you girl”
[alarm goes off]
me: *presses snooze button*
foot cramp: hahahahaha nope