@junejuly12

If a peanut butter cookie between two chocolate chip cookies is considered a sandwich, then I may have had a sandwich or two for lunch.

@junejuly12

The printer is only printing blank pages, and it’s like it can read my mind.

@junejuly12

The doorbell rang this morning, and it took a few seconds to realize what that sound was.

@junejuly12

I have been calling a guy on our street John since he and his wife moved here about five years ago.

His name is Dave.

@junejuly12

As I find myself in yet another room without remembering why, it’s apparent my wisdom teeth are doing nothing for me.

@junejuly12

When this is all over, I’m going to miss only waving at neighbours from a distance.

@junejuly12

me: *notices the dog sleeping at my feet, slowly and carefully does the splits to get off the couch without waking her up*

dog: *instantly on her feet* I’ll get my leash

@junejuly12

You learn a lot about yourself when you decide to hide cookies from the family.

@junejuly12

My dog tried to put one paw on the floor instead of the scale when she was being weighed and I was like, “I got you girl”

@junejuly12

[alarm goes off]

me: *presses snooze button*

foot cramp: hahahahaha nope