@juneohara65: My corpse will likely be too lazy for rigor mortis.

@juneohara65: I asked my cat if I'm passive aggressive and she ignored me.

I hope I don't forget to feed her tonight.

@juneohara65: "And to my heirs, I will leave all this...."

*gestures toward 146 half-full nail polishes, all roughly the same color

@juneohara65: My cat is smarter than I am but I'm brighter than most plants, so I feel like I'm holding my own.

@juneohara65: Halloween: The one day I can flap my arms like a bat and nobody asks any questions.

@juneohara65: Someone just told me to dim the lights and called it a beauty tip.

@juneohara65: *puts on strapless bra
*takes an extra Prozac

@juneohara65: My GPS thinks we should see other drivers.

@juneohara65: I await the announcement that Trump's running mate will be Charlie Sheen.