We go together like that part in the song from Grease where nobody gets the words right
I tend to be very Snow White-ish with animals, but today a squirrel threw a nut at my head
Win some, lose some
If you guys were impressed by the “but wait, it’s actually cake” thing, wait until I tell you about the guy I dated who turned out to be a Thanksgiving turkey
I stopped eating my feelings a few months ago and holy shit do I have a lot of them here now
*posts “Glitter is my favorite color”*
*sits back to smirk while 347 strangers tell me glitter isn’t a color*
Me: I’ve decided to be a mermaid so I can sing and swim all day and have a coconut phone
Him: But, you hate coconut?
Me. Why the hell would I eat my coconut phone? Ugh. It’s like you don’t even understand reality.
I survived catholic school taught by actual nuns and now nothing scares me. Except ghosts…of nuns
Say what you will about the state of the world, but now feels like a really good time to start marketing my C̶u̶l̶t̶ C̶o̶m̶m̶u̶n̶e̶ Adult Summer Camp
Jewel: 🎼 I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you
Me: Girl, quit while you’re ahead
“I’m so glad I stopped killing spiders after re-reading Charlottes Web”, I say out loud to my delicious bacon