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Page of karanbirtinna's best tweets

@karanbirtinna : Maybe all the vampires are always so angry and biting people because they can never eat any lasagne or spaghetti or anything that has garlic in it. Did you ever think about that? No you always think about yourself!

@karanbirtinna: Friend: Hey Karanbir! Long time no see. How's your brother?

Me: He has moved on to a better place.

Friend: OMG that's terrible! He was so young!

Me: Oh he didn't die. He moved to Canada.

@karanbirtinna: I saw a UFO flying over my house this morning but my camera has too many pixels and clarity so I didn't capture it.

@karanbirtinna: Me: I want to be a part of the Avengers.

Nick Fury: What special powers do you have?

Me: *buys popcorn and doesn't start eating them until the movie starts*

Nick Fury: Holy shit!

@karanbirtinna: *phone falls*
Me: Oh No my phone!!!
*friend falls*
Me: Hahahahaha idiot!

@karanbirtinna: As a married man, it's hard for me to fall asleep after having sex. Because I have to drive home.

@karanbirtinna: Next time my wife asks me to open a jar, I'm gonna tell her I have a headache.

@karanbirtinna: My wife and I toss a coin to settle our arguments. If the coin comes down, she wins, if it stays suspended in air forever, I win.

@karanbirtinna: Racism is alive and well. I entered a plane and a white lady started freaking out. I laughed so hard my grenades fell out of my pocket.

@karanbirtinna: My wife just said "I'm fine" and "Do whatever you want" in a single sentence so if you never see another tweet from me again, y'all know the reason.