@karlainvt

My husband is mad at me because I’m finger quotes “condescending”.

@karlainvt

If I don’t see someone on social media for a while I automatically assume the worst… that they’re happy.

@karlainvt

How to grab a women’s attention:

1. Be a glass of wine.

@karlainvt

It’s so cute how my kids think I’m going to go look for them after I finish counting to ten.

@karlainvt

Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.

@karlainvt

Speed Dating
Tell me something about yourself
I have 3 cats
What do u do for fun
I have 3 cats
What are you most proud about
I have 3
Next

@karlainvt

I cannot breath, walk, or bend over but DAYUM these skinny jeans look good.

@karlainvt

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver…