@kcmoore51

Me: What are your plans for tonight?

13: Think I’ll hang out with you and mom.

Me: Goddammit…uh I mean that’s great.

@kcmoore51

13: I have a friend that doesn’t like baseball, chocolate, or bacon.

Me: Pretty sure that’s not a friend, bro.

@kcmoore51

Thanks for being here right on time.
We’ll see you in a few hours.

– Doctors

@kcmoore51

[picking name for new puppy]

13: Pixie.

16: Rosie.

Wife: Annie.

Me: BATMAN!

@kcmoore51

I hate when my wife says her friend at work “got flowers again today” and I have to kill that chick’s husband.

@kcmoore51

16: My friend is coming to get something while we’re gone.

Me: Should we leave a key?

16: No, she’ll just go thru the doggie door again.

@kcmoore51

Does everyone have that ONE follower who will Fav the hell outta every RT…but wouldn’t even piss on your own tweets if they were on fire?

@kcmoore51

Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason.

– kids

@kcmoore51

11: You know what would be really ironic?
Me: No, what?
11: If someone died in their…living room.

The Twitter is strong in this one.