*opens fridge & stares
*moves to cabinet & stares
*moves back to fridge & lowers standards
Why are the people on soap operas always CEOs?
Nobody works at Walmart?
Why don’t adult cereals come with prizes?
A pill organizer
Post it notes
Vouchers for gas
…And so on.
*people on Wheel of Fortune
“I enjoy skiing & doing crosswords”
“I like hamburgers & threesomes”
Why is it always big, scary houses that are haunted?
It’s never “oh my god, don’t go into Kevin’s efficiency apartment, there’s a ghost in there!!!”
If the Amish don’t use curse words, how does Amish Tourette’s sound?
I’m not mature enough, in any way, to ever have a friend named Dick.
I just found out it only costs about $100 to change your name!!!
Say hello to Ninja Firequeef!
Haunted house ideas:
-“we need to talk” room
-“you’re being audited” room
-“my period is late” room
-“two days before payday” room