@kelly__le
Dinner time:
*opens fridge & stares
*moves to cabinet & stares
*moves back to fridge & lowers standards
@kelly__le
@kelly__le
Why are the people on soap operas always CEOs?
Nobody works at Walmart?
@kelly__le
Why don’t adult cereals come with prizes?
A pill organizer
Post it notes
Vouchers for gas
…And so on.
@kelly__le
*people on Wheel of Fortune
“I enjoy skiing & doing crosswords”It’s never
“I like hamburgers & threesomes”
@kelly__le
Why is it always big, scary houses that are haunted?
It’s never “oh my god, don’t go into Kevin’s efficiency apartment, there’s a ghost in there!!!”
@kelly__le
If the Amish don’t use curse words, how does Amish Tourette’s sound?
“Beards!”
“Churning Butter!”
“Bonnets!”
@kelly__le
I’m not mature enough, in any way, to ever have a friend named Dick.
@kelly__le
I just found out it only costs about $100 to change your name!!!
Say hello to Ninja Firequeef!
@kelly__le
Haunted house ideas:
-“we need to talk” room
-“you’re being audited” room
-“my period is late” room
-“two days before payday” room