According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, “I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store.”
I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants.
It’s important to know your neighbors by name. For instance, “Mr. Mean Old Man” and his wife, “Screamy”.
Life was dangerous when I was young. We answered the phone never knowing who was on the other end.
Sailors have the reputation, but nobody cusses like a mom who just found out school is closed.
Christmas cards are how old people say, “Hey, you thought I was dead, but I’m not!”
Apparently, if you Google “boss” and “chloroform” from your work computer, it sets off an alarm somewhere.
All those political ads are very convincing. They convinced me to stop watching television.
Send a guy to the grocery store without a list, and you deserve whatever you get.